Raising My Village With Sophie

So there has been much ado about how the Trudeau’s manage their personal, yet very public life in the past few weeks. Among the raised voices that range from the harshest of critics, to those who applaud their efforts and actions, there is something missing for me in all of this noise.

It’s an honest reality check on what it currently means to be a working family in this national village we call Canada and why its gone profoundly sideways.

I’m not talking about opinions on whether or not one’s Prime Minister should take a day off on his own dime during a working trip that includes 14-18 hour days to celebrate a significant personal milestone. I’m also not talking about whether or not it’s appropriate to add additional staff to help Sophie Trudeau manage the new demands of their life in Ottawa.

I’m talking about the assumption, or I’ll be as bold to say the norm, that we all seem to have adopted that the breakneck pace of  “Live to Work” is okay. For many it’s a badge of honour, a show of grit and determination, a benchmark of success. How many of us are just a little bit giddy when we lament on how “BUSY” life is? Sacrificing family is just another part of what you’ve signed on for, right?

But what if you can’t? We are told that it takes a village to raise a child. However what happens when the rest of the village has checked out for a 50-60 hour work week at best, or at worst is juggling precarious work at multiple jobs with erratic schedules?

We all know this, its not new. The village is falling apart.

In traditional societies there is an extended circle of support for mothers so that they can raise their children and contribute to the growth of their community. In this one women are looked down upon if they cannot do it all, or alternatively a mother is judged for trying to make the choice to have both family and career as if it’s a zero sum game. Increasingly for millenials it has become exactly that.

As a single mother to two young children I am constantly confronted with this contradiction in my own reality.  There is a part of me that fully enjoys my role as a parent with all of the responsibility that comes with trying to help my kids figure out their strengths and who they are (albeit without a manual).  Then there is the other part of me that enjoys my life in the workforce, meeting and collaborating with colleagues, continuing to shape my own identity personally and professionally in new arenas.

However as I try to move through that ethereal space called my “career” while riding tandem with single motherhood, I am confronted with the same message time and again.  I’ve had dear friends lovingly say “you can in theory have it all – but certainly not all at once – and maybe not right now”. There are colleagues who have raised eyebrows of my taking professional slowdowns to raise my kids through a divorce. There are the veiled questions of whether or not I can truly be “committed” to my professional responsibilities as a mother in general and as a single parent in particular. There have been times where its made me question my own value when I wanted to fully reenter the “marketplace”.

So I ask? How is one supposed to pursue their potential when the pace of work-life balancing is impossible, coupled with an absentee village of support?

The Kauffman Foundation report “Labor after Labor” outlines the barriers that many women face in reaching their full economic potential in the U.S., and its impact on the success of an economy of growth as a whole.  From gendered roles at home to perceptions of stable employment of women in the workplace. From a pure dollars worth perspective, the numbers are staggering and show how women are literally working around the barriers. With the entry of women into the workforce since the 1970s the US economy has had a $2 trillion growth trend. Between 2007 to 2012 the US charted a 27.5% growth of women owned and driver businesses. 

Even more damning writes Michelle Budig, author of "The Fatherhood Bonus and the Motherhood Penalty,"  is that “working mothers are viewed as more distracted and less productive, while working fathers are viewed as more stable because they have kids to support.”

It seems that more and more small businesses are being started by women between the ages of 20-34 not surprisingly while they are having children. In the need for flexible hours and creating their own work-life balance, women have had to become their own drivers of entrepreneurship without the same resources, mentorship, social or financial capital available to their male counterparts. In short, no economic village either.

Much of the criticism around Sophie Trudeau’s comments for help fell into two categories of debate: 1) Is it her role at all to be in need of additional staff to answer the requests being made of her in the public sphere? 2) Why should the taxpayer be burdened with the bill for additional support for her to meet a need for work-life balance in the Trudeau household? No one considered that official role or not she has value and what to contribute to those many organizations asking for her support.

There was plenty of grumbling that "real Canadians don't live as the Trudeau's do". You're right they don't. None of us live at that level of public service. However that doesn't mean its okay that Canadians in general live in this imbalance - and by voicing it the Trudeau's don't think so either.

In many societies the role of NGOs and charitable organizations fill a tremendous gap in funding for social services, supportive health services, education, culture, welfare and more.  This “third sector” of volunteers and fundraising is often the most important bridge between public and private support for our communities. The voices of influencers and activists who we ourselves admire for their dedication and vision are often the drivers of our support.

If Sophie Trudeau, who has for years backed such groups as Plan Canada, wishes to expand that role, the simple math is that the cost of a staff member, even if on a taxpayer’s budget line, pales in the fundraising capacity of what her time and dedication can give. 

The simple answer is that unveiling the strains that every family faces in this country in finding a work-life balance by openly talking about it will advocate for new ways to change it. It can create the bridges needed to fund and support it not only from government but from all sectors of society, from how we view work to how we value it in every family structure.

So if it means that in this village, raising my children mean’s raising the Trudeau’s too – I’m fine with that.